The Rant: Spider-Man Movies

I can recall the first time I saw the trailer for Spider-Man in 2001. I was more than excited following the success of the X-Men movies. So I went in to see it opening day and I left disappointed. The Green Goblin looked like an idiot, there was too much crying and Kirsten Dunst is the worst actress ever but at least the suit was spiffy. That whole Aunt May praying scene is beyond laughable. I was hoping for more and maybe that’s why I ended up feeling disappointed. My expectations might have been too high.

Then came 2004’s sequel and again, after the trailer I was looking forward to it. Then I saw it. And again disappointment. The villain wasn’t really a villain, Kirsten Dunst still fucking sucked and all the whining and crying was way too much for me. There were cool moments like the Doc Ock scene in the hospital and the Goblin appearance but too few and far between.

The nail in the coffin was this years third installment. I really should have learned my lesson from the previous two but after the trailer I was into it. Venom! It had Venom. It had to be righteous, right? Fuck no. The worst film of the year (so far) was even more whiny than the first two combined. Some alien substance with no explanation, Tobey Maguire crying for like half the movie, James Franco’s character is so useless, Kirsten Dunst still sucks and she sings. Twice. He even dances at one point and Venom disappears for like 10 minutes during a fight. Best part? When he punches Mary Jane. Worst part (besides everything else)? They change Spider-Man’s origin completely negating the power and responsibility creed. And he lets Sandman go at the end. Please be the last one…


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